Sunday Night Slashers Vol. 7: Hostel

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Let me first apologize profusely for missing a week last week! I will be honest that I totally forgot and I have to blame Netflix. First I found that there was a new Master of the Universe cartoon so I binge watched that. Then I binged the first season of American Vandal which was amazing, leading me on to season 2 which started terrible but got better and better, before finally remembering that Netflix has 10 seasons of Archer! I mean… It hasn’t been a very productive couple of weeks for me I must say!

At least I managed to get my butt in gear and write about one of them!

Any way, back to normal programming, I got back on the weekly horror wagon last night, again thanks to Netflix.

Hostel first came out in 2005 and is the brain child of Eli Roth as Director and Writer. When you have Eli Roth at the helm, and you’re watching a horror flick you have a pretty good idea of what you’re going to get – a horror flick which is likely going to appeal to the masses, especially if by the masses you mean the same people the films he’s written are about… American students!

I do quite like Hostel, I’m not going to pretend that I don’t, but I also really don’t love it, and I don’t think about it too much. When I think of classic horror killers I think about headliner slashers like Krueger and Myers, not the shaky German wannabe doctor in Hostel… Oh wait – spoiler alert. When I think of memorable victims I go back to Nancy from Nightmare on Elm Street or Regan in the Exorcist – people who have their lives shaken to the core and often need to either go on and live with their fear or have everything snatched away from them after all that fighting! Again I really don’t go to the place in my mind where I remember that poor Asian girl whose name I can’t remember or Oli the Icelandic, WAY too old backpacker who quite frankly takes slightly too long to disappear! Again spoiler alert, but if you don’t know how the layout of this kind of film works yet, you really shouldn’t be walking in to Hostel as your first outing – you can do MUCH better.

We first meet Oli and 2 Americans in the Netherlands where they are being incredibly obnoxious, American (don’t worry if they were British I’d be saying the same thing – as tourist these 2 nations are just the worst right?), loud and pervy to a point where they, or at the very least Oli should be facing several charges! They then think about heading to Spain to be just as bad, before being convinced (and all it took was about 5 topless photos of girls to convince them) to change their plans and pay to go FAR out of their way and head over to Slovakia. If they wanted to keep it realistic and send them to an Eastern European place where people actually might go and where they would have hostels and clubs to cater for backpackers, maybe one of the top stag do locations in the world… Prague, would have been good.

I’m not sure how well the Slovakian population would have reacted to the depiction of their treatment of tourists… I guess it was better than how Borat made the people of Kazakhstan look, but after watching Hostel you’re never going to trust Slovakian kids again, are you?

A lot of people don’t like that this film is too unrealistic.

As I said, I don’t think most guys would be sent to Slovakia as easily as that, I think the location could have been better and the advice less vague than “check out these boobs”. But in terms of realism when it comes to the activities… I think it would be as easy as that to kidnap booze and drug loving students on a sex holiday and whilst I don’t think that the Elite Hunting Club is based on a real club – societies elite are in to some weird stuff! In a song by Scroobius Pip called the Struggle he raps about the average man having fantastical dreams to aspire to, like wanting to be Brad Pitt. However for people like Brad Pitt who live in an industry where vices are everywhere and where they have reached that fantastic level people aspire to reach, how can you reach higher? What can you do to excite yourself when you already have access to everything you could possibly want?

There are plenty of people who kill for pleasure, why is it so crazy to think that the rich and famous would be excluded from that part of society, and if that were the case… You can buy anything else, are we sure that you can’t buy the opportunity to torture and kill?

Don’t get me wrong, I’d much rather travel the world thinking that you’re never going to wake up in a chair with a man with a drill coming at you… Is its realism really a criticism? It’s far more realistic than a Michael Myers who just won’t die or the forces of death coming after everyone who manages to side step a disaster!

I always feel that this film has a lot more party filler than it really needs, and that most of those fillers are just excuses for more bare boobs to make their way in to the film… Do we need to accompany the lads to the spa with their opposite sex room mates (for all of whom there are by the way not enough beds in the room) – of course we don’t! I would have really preferred to have seen them squeeze in another victim or extended one of the torture scenes. It’s pretty inventive in the torture they use and it already had an R rating… I think it could have pushed the envelope our a little further in what they showed.

All in all it’s a bit of fun and a rare opportunity to see killers focus on getting rid of the predominantly male cast of victims whilst also ALWAYS rooting for torturer… The 3 main characters… I can’#t think of a reason why I would like any of them – especially after seeing close up shots of Derek Richardson’s sex face… Some times I’m glad to have aphantasia – imagine that face popping in to your head… ever!

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