65 of The Best Chuck Norris Facts the Internet has to Offer

I absolutely love Chuck Norris facts… Before I started reading many of these years ago I ahdn’t actually taken the time to watch any of his work, and I hope that reading some of these will open up his work to some other people too. I’ve seen him in a couple of reality shows and he seems like a really nice guy, who doesn’t always however approve of all of the facts which people have mae up about him… I think it’s a nice way to promote a nice guy.

If you have any which you really like, please stick them in the comments!

Fun fact about the facts is that it was a trend originally started about Vin Diesel facts around the time the Pacifier came out. Although that fact isn’t about to convince me to check out that movie.


1 – Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

2 – Some people can piss their name in to snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name in to concrete.

3 – Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with 1 bird.

4 – Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.

5 – Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.

6 – Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.

7 – Chuck Norris was born via c-section, which he performed himself.

8 – Chuck Norris drove his mum home from the hospital after she gave birth to him.

9 – Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

10 – When Chuck Norris plays dodge ball, the balls dodge him.

11 – Chuck Norris is the only person to successfully go up Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel.

12 – Chuck Norris can speak braille.

13 – Chuck Norris died years ago, but the grim reaper can’t pick up the courage to tell him.

14 – Chuck Norris doesn’t need to wear a watch because he decides what time it is.

15 – Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.

16 – Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

17 – Chuck Norris can pick apples from an orange tree and use them to make the best lemonade you’ve ever tasted.

18 – When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

19 – A king cobra once bit Chuck Norris on the leg. It died 5 agonising days later.

20 – Chuck Norris created the first giraffe when he upper cut a horse.

21 – Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver and won.

22 – Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

23 – Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.

24 – Chuck Norris once threw a grenade which killed 50 people. Then it exploded.

25 – Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.

26 – Chuck Norris can rip a page out of Facebook.

27 – When Chuck Norris left for college he told his father “You’re the man of the house now.”

28 – Some kids make snow angels. Chuck Norris used to make concrete angels.

29 – There had been plans to add Chuck Norris to Mount Rushmore but the granite wasn’t tough enough to make his beard. (This is apparently one of Chuck Norris’s favourite facts).

30 – A blind man once ran into Chuck Norris and got his sight back. Unfortunately, the first and last thing he saw was a roundhouse kick to the face.

31 – Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.

32 – Chuck Norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund.

33 – When Chuck Norris enters into a courtroom, the judge stands up.

34 – Jesus walked on water. Chuck Norris can swim through land.

35 – When Chuck Norris turned 18, his parents moved out.

36 – There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

37 – When Alexander Bell invented the telephone and plugged it in for the first time, he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.

38 – Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.

39 – Mike Tyson chipped a tooth on Chuck Norris’ ear.

40 – If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever!

41 – Some people wear Superman pyjamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas.

42 – Chuck Norris doesn’t have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs.

43 – Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number; you answer the wrong phone.

44 – Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

45 – Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

46 – Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

47 – Before he forgot to give Chuck Norris a present, Santa Clause was real.

48 – Chuck Norris is in all of the Star Wars movies as the force.

49 – When Chuck Norris works out he doesn’t get stronger, the machine does.

50 – In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.

51 – Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

52 – On the 7th day, God rested … Chuck Norris took over.

53 – There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

54 – Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

55 – Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.

56 – Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

57 – Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in three moves.

58 – Chuck Norris once built a snowman out of rain.

59 – The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.

60 – Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

61 – Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.

62 – Recently, a police patrol stopped Chuck Norris when he was driving. They left with a ticket.

63 – Chuck Norris has a Grizzly bear rug. The bear is alive, but it’s too scared to move.

64 – Chuck Norris has an autobiography called the Guinness Book of Records

65 – What is the last thing that goes through the head of any Chuck Norris victim? His foot.

The internet is an absolute treasure trove of these jokes, and you can spend hours checking out many more of these. I’ve just listed some of my favourites. If you want to spend a long time on these I recommend the Chuck Norris Jokes & Facts website.

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