Apocalypse of Ice Review

Rating: 1.5 out of 5.

WOW! What an absolute pile of dung… It’s really no wonder that this film has started getting a viral following, purely based on how terrible it is. The reviews for this thing pretty much across the board have been awful, and I mean, mine isn’t going to be any better… Having said that – all of the mistakes and awfulness aside I did actually have a good time watching this with my wife – for all the wrong reasons. A good time doesn’t excuse what this film has done however, because I’m pretty sure this thing is entirely serious!

The general idea of the film is that there is a pandemic… wonder where they go that idea? On top of that there is an environmental emergency, and that’s the one we need to think about as we really don’t know much about their viral outbreak, other than that they have socially distanced flights and sufferers need to be on a ventilator – sound familiar?

This environmental disaster is pushing an ice wall up from the South pole and down from the North pole, with just a 100 miles either side of the equator being safe… I have to say at this point that I don’t know too much but the meteorology is pretty questionable – although not as questionable as the use of CGI for everything from snow mobiles which never get used to cars driving on an icy road. Although the shot you get of people inside the cars is absolute cinema gold! All I could think of when I was watching them in their cars was this scene from Red Dwarf:

There really aren’t any redeeming aspects to this film not from the fact that they make a dry sunny landscape look like Ecuador in the snow by tinting everything slightly blue, the way they put huge amounts of effort in to climbing over what are essentially pebbles, through to the lack of emotion shown by actors and the absolute absence of anything akin to good acting.

I always hate to criticise people for their acting, because I couldn’t do much better myself. In this case however it really is terrible… across the board! Emily Killian who plays the main female lead looks surprised for the entire film and I really feel like they were either feeding her some pretty potent drugs or stopping her from sleeping to keep those eyes that open for that long because those pupils are massively dilated from start to finish!

Whilst it is terrible from start to finish and really doesn’t deserve to take up space on Sky Box office or Amazon Prime – yep we actually paid to watch this tripe there are a few stand out cringe moments I have to list. I would say spoiler alert but if at this point you’re still going to go ahead and watch it that’s on you!

Just some of the things wrong with Apocalypse of Ice

  • You can’t take meaningful ice core samples at the North pole using a battery hand drill!
  • You can’t proclaim at the start of the film that salt water can’t freeze and then go ahead and drive on the frozen ocean later in the film.
  • When you find 2 flares, how can you end up using 3 – especially with 1 of these being used in a confined space with zero smoke. I actually can’t believe they didn’t even have the budget to use an actual flare when outside rather than just holding up what was essentially just a stick.
  • What sort of super charged walkie talkie can connect people just outside Ecuador with someone at the North pole?
  • Who can walk 20 miles in 2 hours?
  • When Oscar gets his scratch stitched it has about 12 stitches even though the vets husband only puts about 4 or 5 in, with a leather sewing needle with no thread what so ever!
  • A woman gets frozen on the spot but the temperature gauge only reads a drop down to 10 degrees c.
  • When you drive a car off a cliff more than just the axels break.
  • When it’s cold enough for there to be an avalanche in central America then it’s not warm enough for a man to be walking around in just a thin sweatshirt.
  • Why would a city morgue be expected by a nurse to be fully stocked with medication to treat potential internal bleeding?

Call me pedantic but a film, even if it were produced by a group of primary school kids should know such basic science.

I really don’t know why I gave this film 1.5 stars, it’s so damn generous! I just couldn’t ignore the fact that it fuelled some fun conversation between my wife and I… That counts for something right? At least 1 star… Had I watched this on my own I think it would have been lucky to get half a star.

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